


Con las ganas

by shelovesc0ntrol



Category: Elite (TV)
Genre: After Season Three, Angst, Canon, Carmuel, Carmuel is endgame, Dreams, F/M, Light Angst, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:55:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24990391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shelovesc0ntrol/pseuds/shelovesc0ntrol
Summary: an inside of Carla's feelings after leaving (post season 3). I may write a continuation.
Relationships: Carla Rosón Caleruega/Samuel García Domínguez, Carla Rosón Calerurga/Samuel García Domínguez, Carla Rosón Carluega/Samuel García Domínguez
Comments: 4
Kudos: 24





	Con las ganas

The world was different now. It wasn’t better nor worst. It was simply different. Maybe because it was a different language, a different country, or maybe because for the first time no one knew her and nobody expected anything from her. She liked not having to answer to other people’s expectations, but after a few weeks, she started questioning who she was without her parents’ pressure, without her friends, without her lifetime boyfriend who was now dead, without…

She tried not to think about him, because it only made her nostalgic. It was her fourth month in Cambridge and she hadn’t regretted leaving, she knew she needed her space to grow and to forget about all the murders and the drugs, the suffering. And he needed to be far from her, after all, she knew how hard it could be to love her. She needed to leave him before completely destroying him. And even knowing all this, she still missed him.

And it wasn’t like she had much time to miss him, college was hectic and she tried to be a part of many clubs, she tried working hard for her grades and hang out with her classmates, she tried to call Lu from time to time, after all, she was her best friend since they were tweens and she had avoided her all their senior year. She was trying to get her life together and keep busy. She wanted to discover who she was and explore as many things as she could. She tried learning stuff she thought her parents wouldn’t approve.  
But at night, when she went to sleep in her dorm, she couldn’t control what she dreamed and part of her went to bed wanting to see his face the only way she could. And there she was again, in a little twin bed where she felt more at home than in her king size bed in her big mansion, with his arms around her making her feel butterfly with only the warm it transmitted. Sometimes, instead of the bed, she was in the little apartment’s kitchen where he first invited to eat macaroni and she left, feeling rejected. The place where she discovered she liked how refreshing it was to be with someone she couldn’t manage, who wasn’t under her control but somehow still wanted to be with her. The little sofa where she was free to be just Carla with him, where she didn’t feel the weight of social expectations on her shoulders. Sometimes, she dreamed of his smile and his hand caressing her cheek felt so real she woke up smiling. He had changed her life in a couple of months, and after a couple of months without him, she felt like she would never get over him. She didn’t even know if she wanted to forget him.

She was used to living in her big manor, where everything was picture perfect, the “same mausoleum as always” like she said to Marina that time. She was so used to look perfect and happy; she almost didn’t know what happiness felt like. At “home” no one cared if she was happy, they only wanted her to look like it. Her picture-perfect life, with Polo, who she liked but never quite knew if she loved. It felt like the times where Samuel wasn’t in her mind were a lifetime ago. But she remembered thinking she was happy. She remembered the plans they had and how little it meant to her when Samuel entered the school. A couple of months later, she felt butterflies in her stomach for the first time, in the same school, with the same boy she didn’t bother to look that day.

While she slept, she was in Samuel’s little apartment where they acted like there wasn’t an outside, they were just them, without their families. The little sofa where they ate macaroni and laugh together, where they kissed and played, and she wished she didn’t wake up. There was nothing she liked more than being with him, being free.  
Sometimes, when she was anxious about a test or when Valerio emailed her telling her about his father asking about her, she would dream about the time he went missing. Or about his father threats and the fear of him dying. She felt all over again the sorrow of having to tell him she didn’t want him, that she didn’t care about him. She saw his broken-hearted face all over again, in that club, where she rejected him, wanting nothing more than his embrace.

The worst was when she dreamt of the day she said goodbye, when she told him she was leaving. The last time she saw him and went away with an “I’ll miss you” that never left her lips. The words she wished she said but wasn’t brave enough to say and walk away.

**Author's Note:**

> I got inspired listening to the elite soundtrack, particularly the song that sounds in the macaroni scene where Samu licks the sauce of Carla's cheek. If you know Spanish I really recommend hearing it (it's called Con las ganas by zahara), which I really think represents their story perfectly.  
> I may write a second part, let me know what you think. And also, let me know if there's grammar mistakes, because English isn't my first language.


End file.
